Day -4

Tessa eventually passed out last night, much to our relief and hers, and only woke a handful of time throughout the night.

She (and therefore I) slept until 8 o'clock this morning. Casey spent the night with us here at the hospital since things were so tough. Tessa (because she was exhausted and HEAVILY medicated) and I (because I fantasize about the day that I might get 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep) slept through Casey getting up and showering this morning. 

Tessa was still pretty sensitive as you can imagine. But she wasn't vomiting or having the bowel problems she was having. Still, being me I didn't want to leave her side. Fortunately I have a husband who wasn't going to take and of my helicopter mommy crap and told me to go for my walk. If I said that the mama bear who lives in my belly did't show him her teeth I'd be lying. But in the end I knew he was right. If I want to be there for Tessa I have to be strong. That means doing the little things that I need to to take care of myself. So I dragged myself down the hall away from her cries of "no mommy, don't go!" Hard, but important. Went for a short walk and then met with my sister in law, Katie. She is such a sweet, generous and down to earth woman. I am so grateful to have her in my life. We had a coffee and took their sweet lab for a little walk while we chatted. It was a good mental health moment. Plus, Katie got us this wonderful feast that we had for dinner: chipotle tomato soup, roasted veggies, spinach orzo, and a quinoa salad. Soooo good. All that fresh veggies and healthy stuff hits the spot in here. Thank you Katie! 

The hours here just seem to crawl by. Tessa's tummy has her on morphine every 2 hours, but the edge of the pain comes back quickly. The hardest thing today was her vaginal pain (TMI?). In addition to the three baths she had to take because of the Etoposide se sat in buckets of water, had ice pack on her crotch, diaper cream. Nothing really appears to be working and the pain is driving her insane.

This caretaking business is all consuming. Despite not having a nap, Tessa still went to bed pretty late. I was exhausted for being her gopher all day and almost didn't write, but I want a record later. 

In regard to her nausea and vomiting she felt tons better today and was even able to get involved in a few activities.

Tomorrow she starts cytoxin. Her third and final chemo drug. I'm hoping she doesn't have to go through such violent sickness again. Even the doctors came by today and shared that they were concerned with the intensity and length of Tessa's nausea and vomiting. They are keeping a close eye on her and checking for infections (those can literally be a killer around here).

My eyes keep closing and I'm a little worried I'm going to drop my computer so...

Pray for our girl to move smoothly through the next few days1