Day -2

Boy howdy, this is one helluva ride padna. To get you into the right frame of mind for one aspect of what Tessa (and Casey and I) are dealing with I'm going to lead you in a guided "meditation". Visualize the quantity of water that your body is supposed to get in a day (not the never enough quantity that we all manage to drink). Now double it. With me so far? Ok, now triple it. Now, add in a medication that forces you to pee in addition to what your bladder must be doing with all the fluid you're taking in. Anyone running to the bathroom yet? So... The cytoxin that Tessa is taking can have a very bad effect on her bladder, so they pump her full of twice her recommended daily amount of fluids to keep her bladder flushing. She is also drinking huge amounts of water...could be cuz her tummy hurts, her mouth is hot, I have not idea. Then her sodium levels were so low they were approaching seizure range so they gave her some meds that would balance that out, but make her pee like crazy (cuz she wasn't doing that already). I would not be lying if I ventured that her trips to the bathroom come to something like 40-50 a day. On top of that she is required to pee every 2 hours so that the cytoxin isn't sitting in her bladder. That means at night, even if she does manage to fall asleep we have to wake her up. Last night was it's own fresh hell. She was waking up every hour most of the night to pee but there were two instances where the nurse had to wake us up. I'm not even sure how I'm awake right now. Could be the huge quantity of coffee and sugar in said coffee that I ingested this morning.

Speaking of this morning... After Tessa and I were woken up for a pee run this morning I dragged myself to the shower to try and achieve some semblance of humanity. I then hoofed it over to Starbucks where I met my dear friend Maren who was visiting from SLO. It was so nice to laugh and smile with her. She is one of the female friends I love most in this world because of her off-beat (yes, Maren, you are just as weird as me) sense of humor. We always laugh and have a good time when we are together, so that was a welcome break from our hospital reality.

We then went and did some shopping at Pottery Barn Kids next door where Maren got Tessa some of the sweetest gifts. You are so generous my friend! I was sad to see her off. Even felt a little guilty that I was having such a good time when I knew what my daughter and husband were doing at the time (in response to all of you who will tell me not to feel badly, cerebrally I know I shouldn't but matters of the heart...). 

Most of the day was spent dealing with Tessa's symptoms between trips to the potty. Eyes hurting, rashes, tummy aches, headaches, itching, crazy grumpyness, high blood pressure, electrolyte imbalance, gagging and nausea. The list goes on and on. There was a queue of things lined up to be pumped into her: meds, blood, platelets, electrolytes, fluids, etc. Fortunately now she's on a PCA, a steady morphine drip with a little button we/she can push up to every 15 minutes for a little extra boost.

There were a few moments of smiles today though...

doing stickers with daddy

poor puffy cutie

Her counts are basically down to zero, and she's being maintained by blood transfusions and meds. She's on a special diet now too, as her immune system has been obliterated and will no longer fight off any infections. Of course she no longer feels good enough to eat but simultaneously has to contend with the hunger side effects of the steroids. The managed a few pretzels today, but was pissed when she found out she couldn't have Goldfish. On a side note, it is interesting that Goldfish actually contain enough dairy to be forbidden on her Step 1 diet, but Kraft Easy Mac is ok. Her diet now consists of things I never would have fed her in another life (can you say Chef Boyardee? Gross). Ironically the things that are safest for her are foods that have had the life processed out of them because bacteria can't grow.

Anywho...Good night to all, and keep the messages and prayers a'comin'!