Day -3

The idea of a daily blog is great on paper, but the reality is far more difficult. Tessa requires so much attention from the moment she wakes to the moment she finally (FINALLY) passes out at night that by the time I actually sit down to write I end up staring at the screen trying to string more than two words together in a way that makes sense. Right now Tessa is being occupied by Michelle, the Child Life specialist, and Casey. Though my brain is so tired it feels like someone dipped it in lint, I know it's going to be worse later.

Tessa woke up this morning basically breathing fire. It's amazing how pain can affect a person's personality. She was so grumpy I actually pulled the nurse aside to see if they had given her a dose of Ativan (a drug that is used for anti-anxiety and nausea but to which Tessa has the adverse effect of becoming agitated). After talking with the doctor we learned that when Tessa came into the hospital they had really reduced her morphine dose, so... Turns out she's been going through withdrawal. Ok people, really? This happened the last time we stayed in the hospital too. So, not only has she been grumpy as hell because she's not getting enough meds, but the doc says that's probably why she was so violently ill the other day. Um, what? Breathe in, breathe out.

Moving on. Today Tessa started her third and final chemo drug, Cytoxin. She will be on this for two days in addition to having ATG for three days. The ATG is a drug that will kill off her T cells, a part of her immune system. Her counts have been dropping steadily over the last couple days, so we're headed in the right direction. She was hooked up to soooooo many drugs today. Intense drugs that require a lot of attention. Don't think that 5 minutes passed today without a nurse in here. So, even though we were both so exhausted you could pack enough for a week in Hawaii in the bags under our eyes, we couldn't manage a nap because of all the traffic. She's been having some weird side effects in addition to headaches and tummy aches. A hot mouth and stuffed up ears, weird.

Tessa's loaded IV pole

Wasn't all rough though. I woke up with a pounding headache and a crazy cramped up neck. Well...yesterday a nurse walked in and handed me two vouchers for 15 minute chair massages here at Stanford. Somehow my friend Aurelia must have gone on-line and found out about this service (genius!) and got us a couple. Best. Gift. Ever. I hustled my butt over there this morning and put that voucher to good use. Heaven. After that I took a short walk. When I got back to the room my mom was there in full Make the Babies Talk mode. Go Nana! 

She also opened a little gift of window markers that I found and thought would be fun since we have this great big window. I think I might be having more fun with them than she is though.

Anyways, Michelle is leaving so I'm back on duty...

Tessa will be getting lots more meds all night plus a blood transfusion, but Daddy is making the babies talk and her spirits are high!