Make the babies talk

For those of you who know Tessa well you know that she loves babies. I thought when that it would just be a phase when her obsession with babies started around a year and a half ago. But now I know better. We must own well over 30 babies, and she loves nothing more than to have you make her babies "talk". She calls them her little sisters, and she plays the big sister. When you ask her what she wants to be when she grows up she always answers, without hesitation, that she wants to be a big sister. And so I've always known that she was going to be a mommy some day. A very loving and nurturing mommy. Which made today's news all the more shattering.

Today Casey and I both got tested to see if we would be a match for a bone marrow transplant for Tessa. It is an almost non existent chance, but there it is. Tessa got her labs done also, and her white blood count is at 31, which is great. However, her hemoglobin is down to 6.4 again so we'll be going in for another blood transfusion tomorrow. I remember when getting a blood transfusion was something to be concerned about. Now it's just another trick in our ever growing bag.

When we met with our doctor the conversation focused mostly on the fact that a bone marrow transplant is the most likely treatment plan. We will be meeting with the transplant team in a couple of weeks to talk about the risks and process. My sister in law Katie had asked if they could harvest and freeze some of her eggs, which I hadn't even thought of. So I asked, thinking only that it would be a good idea because they might be affected by chemo. The doctor said they don't have the technology to do that on children. As the conversation continued we learned that if Tessa undergoes radiation she will become sterile, and there is a good chance that the huge dose of chemo that will be required as part of the transplant preparation may leave her unable to bear children as well. I feel as though someone has taken the air from my lungs and I can't seem to get my breath.

Our poor baby. Even if she survives this ordeal, her battle will continue her whole life. Casey and I are just hanging on right now. We are looking for a way to stay uplifted for our little girl, whose battle is about to become so much harder. Please keep praying, we need a miracle.